Thursday, March 03, 2005

i know not what i do

what i do at work: i charge ridiculous fees for my time .... and during this time i read novels that i've pasted into MS Word, surf the net, watch downloaded episodes of my favourite tv shows ... and occasionally work hard and change how multinational corporations do business ...

to many of you this sounds like a dream job ... and i even feel ridiculous complaining about it ... but it's just so surreal! ... this isn't life ... killing time is not living! ... i walk around like a zombie because i spend the entire day immersed in distractions ... and by the end of the day i've forgotten who i am ...

it's amazes me how adaptable human beings are, and how the grass always looks greener on the other side of the valley ... some of you would look at me and think "wow, i would love to have your job and get to fool around on a computer all day", and i look at you and think "wow, i would love to have a job where i get to do some honest work" ...

but what is "honest" work ...

i need to BELIEVE in what i'm doing ... i need to help others ... or at least help myself ...

Then a ploughman said, "Speak to us of Work."
And he answered, saying:
You work that you may keep pace with the earth and the soul of the earth.
For to be idle is to become a stranger unto the seasons, and to step out of life's procession, that marches in majesty and proud submission towards the infinite.
When you work you are a flute through whose heart the whispering of the hours turns to music.
Which of you would be a reed, dumb and silent, when all else sings together in unison?
Always you have been told that work is a curse and labour a misfortune.
But I say to you that when you work you fulfil a part of earth's furthest dream, assigned to you when that dream was born,
And in keeping yourself with labour you are in truth loving life,
And to love life through labour is to be intimate with life's inmost secret.
But if you in your pain call birth an affliction and the support of the flesh a curse written upon your brow, then I answer that naught but the sweat of your brow shall wash away that which is written.
You have been told also life is darkness, and in your weariness you echo what was said by the weary.
And I say that life is indeed darkness save when there is urge,
And all urge is blind save when there is knowledge,
And all knowledge is vain save when there is work,
And all work is empty save when there is love;
And when you work with love you bind yourself to yourself, and to one another, and to God.
And what is it to work with love?
It is to weave the cloth with threads drawn from your heart, even as if your beloved were to wear that cloth.
It is to build a house with affection, even as if your beloved were to dwell in that house.
It is to sow seeds with tenderness and reap the harvest with joy, even as if your beloved were to eat the fruit.
It is to charge all things you fashion with a breath of your own spirit,
And to know that all the blessed dead are standing about you and watching.
Often have I heard you say, as if speaking in sleep, "he who works in marble, and finds the shape of his own soul in the stone, is nobler than he who ploughs the soil.
And he who seizes the rainbow to lay it on a cloth in the likeness of man, is more than he who makes the sandals for our feet."
But I say, not in sleep but in the over-wakefulness of noontide, that the wind speaks not more sweetly to the giant oaks than to the least of all the blades of grass;
And he alone is great who turns the voice of the wind into a song made sweeter by his own loving.
Work is love made visible.
And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy.
For if you bake bread with indifference, you bake a bitter bread that feeds but half man's hunger.
And if you grudge the crushing of the grapes, your grudge distils a poison in the wine.
And if you sing though as angels, and love not the singing, you muffle man's ears to the voices of the day and the voices of the night.

~Kahlil Gibran, "The Prophet"

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4 Comments:

Blogger Tallowcross said...

I know sorta how you feel...except I don't make the same kind of money. But that should give you some more freedom right? You're able to travel. You don't have to worry about paying rent. Etc... but I suppose there's always issues in any situation. I guess you really just have to figure out what you want to do with your time, and go for it...find out what your calling is... and do that. Maybe you could change your perception of the situation for now, so you don't feel so aimless.

Anyway, don't listen to me... I work at Staples with people that care way too much about it. It's a fuckin office supply store. And they're there....all week... sometimes starting at 6:00 am....

Yet one guy that works there as a manager - I asked him why he's always so happy. He said 'I'd be happy anywhere. I make my own happiness.' SO....

You could open a coffee shop. Go buy Cupps or buy a Timothy's franchise...or something...kick that chinese dude out... get some specialty coffees up... sell Nag Champa...I dunno... I know you'll find something awesome to do!

March 04, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i agree, i mean life lends so many opportunities. every path has a completely different opportunity. you have to not be afraid to live. "i've always been afraid to die, but I’m more afraid to live." tallowcross is right in the sense that you have to create your own happiness. you can change your life in one day if you want. you're a completely unique human being with circumstances you have created yourself. sometimes you become stagnant and forget why you are where you are. we all have a plan, the trick is staying on the track and remembering where you are going.

March 05, 2005  
Blogger Deia Vazquez said...

Time for a new try?

March 07, 2005  
Blogger hereis nowhy said...

thank you for sharing your thoughts!
i feel it prudent to update this entry ...
i’ve made progress ... as you can see from my blog entries, i’m trying to use my free time at work more efficiently ... one way is by reading more meaningful texts (e.g. novels instead of news websites) and watching fewer videos ....
as well, i’m making better use of my days out of town by getting chores such as laundry and shopping done while i’m out here, away from my loved ones ...
in short, i’m finding balance ... and the amount of satisfaction i am getting from my weekends is helping this as well ...

March 29, 2005  

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